Heartbreak is a feeling of hopelessness, emptiness, fear and fury that comes with being rejected by the one we love. The pain that comes with losing the one we desire, the shame that comes with being rejected and the self-doubt that follows can break even the strongest of us all.
Ladies, most times, are at the receiving end of such shattering rejection. For many women, it feels like a deep wound in your chest that won't heal - you can actually feel the hole in your heart. If you had a home accident, you can comfortably go to the hospital and get treated and give a testimony in church of how you pulled through. If you almost got ran over by a car, you can exclaim to people how lucky you were! But when you get dumped, you can never really speak about it like that. It comes with a feeling of shame and guilt- a very painful feeling indeed.
If not well handled, heartbreak can lead to depression. As a broken-hearted girl, you go into despair, you cry, you hurt most times, in secret. You lose interest in things you used to love to do. You can hardly concentrate at school or at work. You become withdrawn, maybe timid, angry and frustrated.
The good news is there are very easy steps ladies can take to enable them come out of depression due to heartbreak real quick and move on to a healthier, happier life. I have taken time to brief on them below:
1. Accept the situation
Have you ever lost a family member to the cold hands of death? What could you do to reverse the situation. Nothing yea? Good. It's same when your lover leaves you. Firstly, accept the situation and realise there's nothing you can do to change it. It's your harsh reality. Understand that you cannot control the situation. Do not try to scheme your way back in, beg or cry to your ex. Your mind might be telling you that if you change a little, or hold on or endure or plead with him, you can reverse what has happened. Sorry sis, You only end up making yourself look cheap and desperate. No man likes cheap and desperate. That's so unattractive. He has made it clear that he is moving on. Accept that fact.
2. ABC - Always Be Cool
It is really hard but try and maintain calmness. It's difficult, trust me. Try to be cool, calm and collected. You passing through a difficult moment but don't get crazy. Don't call up thugs to go beat him up for dumping you. Don't go making a scene at his home. You'd get picked up by the cops, darling. Maintain your cool.
3. Prepare your mind
Let me ask again, have you lost a family member before? How did you feel when the person died? You knew deep down inside you that as far as this world goes, you will NEVER see that person again. You knew that person's case is a CLOSED CASE. Right? Good. See you ex same way.
3. Wipe Off all Memories
Give yourself space from your ex and take away anything that will remind you or link you to your ex. Erase his phone number from your phone. Block him on whatsapp, Instagram, delete him from your facebook friend list, every social media platform you guys communicated on whilst dating. You need to heal, sis, you don't need to see pics of his birthday party or a sunny day at the beach with a nice blonde girl. Don't be his stalker. Clear all memories. Tell mutual friends that you won't like them to inform you of whats going on with your ex.
4. Allow yourself time to grieve
Just like you cry over a deceased loved one, let yourself grieve. Don't try to feign the hard girl. If you feel like crying, look for a comfortable place and cry it out. Listen to sad music, stay under your duvet and mourn, Trust me, you'd feel better but don't mourn for too long.
5. Time to plan
This is a time for sober reflection. There's a void in your life now, think of things you can do to make you a better person. Take up a course, learn a trade, buy yourself a new car, house, go on hols, start a charity organisation. Do something new and refreshing that you know will make you happy. You need a new future without your ex in it. Keep the focus.
6. Avoid vices
Don't go smoking heavily or drinking and misbehaving in public. Remember other suitable bachelors are watching you. Don't give out a bad impression of yourself because one immature guy failed to see the good in you. Channel that energy in positive endeavours.
7. Watch your online content
Don't get bitter online. The world shouldn't know what has happened. Don't put up an facebook status like "my new man is hot!, Gosh where have you been all my life?". You will send a message that you still trying to catch the attention of you ex and trust me, girl, he don't care! Be yourself.
8. Talk to good friends
Good trusted friends, not the ones looking for what to gossip and laugh about. Tell trusted friends what's going on with you. Ask them to check on you from time to time. Talk about how you feel. If you don't have such friends, talk to a therapist.
9. Don't close up your heart
A broken heart heals so don't give up on love. That heartbreak actually occurred so you can be prepared for a new start. Don't shy away from it. Love will come again and this time for good. So show up at that event looking well-dressed and radiant. Wear make-up and heels. A friend's birthday party? Attend. Meet people. Be approachable. Have good conversation with quality guys. Show that you are of good quality too.
10. Don't jump into another relationship immediately
It's a wrong move. Meet people but don't say yes immediately. Analyse your past relationship. What went wrong? What were "the" faults (not my fault or his fault, don't apportion blames). Know what went wrong and be set to prevent it when the right man shows up.
11. Talk to God
I need not stress this fact. Go to God in prayers and put your affairs in his hands. Let him lead you and take away all time-wasters. Get on your knees as regularly as possible.
12. Take good care of yourself
A broken heart shouldn't deter you from taking care of yourself. Don't look old and ugly and unkempt. If you need to be at the salon, make the appointment and have your hair done, Get the manicure done. Do the things you normally do to look good. You'll be surprised how well looking good will help you build back your self-confidence.
13. Seek help
If after putting all these above mentioned strategies to play and you're still gloomy weeks or months after a split, you need to seek professional help. Talk to a psychologist about how you feel and seek medical help. Remember depression can lead to suicide.
I hope this helps someone out there.
KISS!!!
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